happiness – Dr. Charles Laux

I’ve taken some time to myself this weekend to reflect on my life and it’s amazing what some time will do. Three years ago I was forced to start a new life journey after being left on my own. It was not easy. I had been betrayed and abandoned by a person who vowed to stick with me through thick and thin. This time in my life was particularly difficult because I knew that it meant it would reduce the time I was able to spend with my boys and would change our family relationship.

I totally agree with the quote, “I believe that sometimes the bad times in our life put us on a direct path to the very best times in our life.” This has proven true in just about every negative impact in my life. As I have mentioned on this blog previously, I used my mother’s passing as a catalyst to help provide clear direction and purpose to a career path that I absolutely love. Along with lots of dedication and hard work, I have excelled in my profession for over 24 years and don’t foresee any change in my passion for teaching. Fast forward to today, and in particular, the past twelve to eighteen months.

I am now truly happy and have so much joy in my life both at home and at work. I have my health and my family is healthy. I have two growing boys who continuously amaze me with their smarts, their love, and their wit. While I do not get to see them every day, I cherish the time that I have with them and try to provide a positive home where they learn, play, and will become awesome young adults.

For two years now, I have an incredible companion, Stacy, who is kind, fun, loving, and teaches me a lot about being a great human, father, and friend. Relationships are not easy and each person must continuously give and take to make it work. I think we have attained a great balance and we continue to enjoy each other’s company more and more. In a healthy relationship, good communication is one of the main ingredients and this is a huge factor in our success. Stacy is also an amazing parent figure for the boys and loves them as if they were her own. The boys have really taken to her and love having her as an integral part of our family. I am so grateful for Stacy and all of her amazing qualities — love, strength, compassion, persistence. We are one and make each other better and stronger.

Do I have life completely figured out? Hardly! Is my life perfect? No way. There isn’t such a thing. I always feel like I am a bit backed up with school work, the house is sometimes messy, I’m a few pounds heavier than I’d like to be, my car hasn’t been washed, I don’t have enough time to complete projects, etc. etc. Who cares?? I am in a wonderful place in my life and make an honest effort to appreciate each day. I am grateful for all that I have and the opportunities I am afforded.

There are always going to be ups and downs in life, and this is normal. Everyone has to work at it. And we must choose to be happy – nothing will make you happy, at least not genuinely. I understand that there will be times of stress and negativity that will arise in the future but I can’t let that determine how I am today. I will remain open-minded, positive, vigilant and prepared to deal with problems when they arise.

Finally, I strive to live my life using the Seven Cardinal Rules, as listed below. Here’s to continued gratitude, love, peace, joy, and positivity!

Seven Cardinal Rules of Life

Make peace with your past so it won’t disturb your present.
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Time heals almost everything. Give it time.
No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.
Don’t compare your life to others and don’t just them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
Stop thinking too much. It’s alright not to know the answers. They will come to you when you least expect it.
Smile. You don’t own all the problems in the world.

Throughout my career, I have always kept my eyes open for ways to advance in my profession. I’ve loved just about every teaching position I have been in, but no matter how great the situation, I always felt like I need to go higher with the next big job and the next degree. I had to get to “the top.” I had to be the best I could be. My drive to get to the top was so strong that I became disoriented and eventually lost focus of what I loved doing most. In addition, it put additional stress on myself, and had negative impacts on my family.

What exactly is “the top?”

In the teaching world, I often hear people say, “Oh, you are moving up from teaching middle school to teaching high school? That’s awesome!” Moving up??? Really?? After I won a tenure-track position to teach college full time, I thought to myself that I had finally made it. Unfortunately, there is a mentality in the field of education that often associates your “rank” or “importance” with the level of your students. How wrong this is!! The top is where you are happiest.

How do you really get to “the top?”

This fall, I’m moving “down” from the ivory towers of collegiate-level teaching and will go back to directing a high school orchestra program. I don’t consider this a move down at all because I’m finally making a move for the real me and will be going back to do what I love to do most. Simply put: I’m happiest when I’m working with kids in the schools. (In addition, this new position will have many positive implications for my family, which is of utmost importance!)

Success is an iceberg…

For the last four years I served as a tenure-track Assistant Professor of Music Education at Kennesaw State University. I was hired on to be the first string education professor and things went extremely well. I worked to increase student enrollment in string music education and helped make KSU the largest undergraduate string education program in the state Georgia. I connected with school orchestras and the community by directing a large number of outreach events and conducted an orchestra for the Georgia Youth Symphony Orchestra. I collaborated with my colleagues, developed new courses, refreshed old courses, served on committees, and endured some major changes in the music education curriculum and student teacher assessment. I made positive relationships with my students and felt their enthusiasm, energy, and pride. In addition to the work at the local level, I increased visibility to KSU and the School of Music by leading dozens of orchestra clinics, presenting at numerous conferences, conducting honor/all-state orchestras, and even presenting some research. The invitations just kept coming! My yearly reviews were stellar and I was well on my way to becoming a tenured Associate Professor. Success!! But even with all of the positive accolades and subsequent notoriety, I wasn’t truly happy. I never felt completely fulfilled. Something was missing.

(KSU Rocks, BTW)

I do want to publicly acknowledge the sheer awesomeness that is Kennesaw State University (KSU)!! It is an incredible institution with marvelous faculty and students and a great place to work, learn, and grow. It is THE university (and School of Music!) to be at in Georgia and is quickly gaining a solid reputation at the regional and national levels. I could go on and on about how great a place KSU is. I will dearly miss my colleagues and am thankful that we will always remain friends. In addition, I will forever be a fan, advocate, and supporter of KSU and always an Owl at heart. GO OWLS!!!

Be thankful for every day

Starting in the 10^th grade, my dream job was to be a high school orchestra director. (Thank you Mr. Curtis Petersen!!) I started teaching in the public schools in 1996 and had unique experiences teaching wonderful students in Nevada, Florida, and Ohio. Some of the fondest memories of my career were during the times when I was teaching middle school and high school orchestra. Unfortunately, I took some of these experiences for granted and didn’t always realize how great I had it. For a number of different personal and professional reasons, I was always looking to get to that next level “up.”

“Life is what happens to you when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon

If you keep an open mind and are willing to make changes, life can take you places you never expected. I don’t regret any of the career changes I’ve made. Each place I have worked there were memorable experiences. Most importantly, along the way I met awesome people and developed so many positive relationships with my students and colleagues. These relationships have helped define my career and my life in ways I can hardly explain. To all of my friends, colleagues, and former students: THANK YOU!

If you ever question yourself and where you are, is very important to stop and smell the roses. It’s cliché, but it’s true: The grass is not always greener on the other side. But, unfortunately sometimes you have to experience alternatives to fully comprehend this. On the other end of the spectrum, if you don’t take any risks you’ll never know what you are missing! Decisions can be so difficult.

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Confucius

No matter what, remember that being at “the top” is being (and staying) where you are happiest, not where you think you should be or where others see you. If you are unsure, dig down deep and follow your heart.

“Watching The Wheels” by John Lennon

(Listen on Apple Music)

People say I’m crazy doing what I’m doing,

Well they give me all kinds of warnings to save me from ruin,

When I say that I’m o.k. they look at me kind of strange,

Surely your not happy now you no longer play the game,

People say I’m lazy dreaming my life away,

Well they give me all kinds of advice designed to enlighten me,

When I tell that I’m doing fine watching shadows on the wall,

Don’t you miss the big time boy you’re no longer on the ball?

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,

I really love to watch them roll,

No longer riding on the merry-go-round,

I just had to let it go,

People asking questions lost in confusion,

Well I tell them there’s no problem,

Only solutions,

Well they shake their heads and they look at me as if I’ve lost my mind,

I tell them there’s no hurry…

I’m just sitting here doing time,

I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round,

I really love to watch them roll,

No longer riding on the merry-go-round,

I just had to let it go.

Wishing everyone a safe and enjoyable summer break! 🙂

Tag: happiness

Choosing to be Happy